By chance I ran into my blog which I totally forgot of. My first and last post is dated 15 january 2012. I started a blog because I wanted to write about my travels, and spread to other people the marks that those travels left on me. But then it all suddenly changed.
I was that king of girl who doesn't go out at weekends because she has nothing interesting to do out there, the girl that no one really called, someone considered me a ghost, who appears once in a while, tells everything about her crazy plans and then disappears again for months.
My life was boring but quite ok until in September 2011, when I was emailed by Ludwig Maximilians University of Munich. One week before erasmus they wrote me that my learning agreement was not accepted and I could not take any course. All my dreams crashed. Life's a shit because I am so close to such an important thing which could have been the point where I could start a new life. I can never have a joy. I'm such a failure. Yes, ok, I faced it, I felt bad about it and I didn't even tell anyone I was not departing anymore. I spent 5 months in my hometown when most of people believed I was in Munich. Nobody seemed to be bothered.
But when we're desperate, we discover that we're strong: I applied for another erasmus, one day before the deadline, inventing a new learning agreement and collecting all required documents in one day. I was told it was not possible, but I got the scholarship in the end anyway.
Because I never stop saying to myself that if I want something, I am definitely going to get it.
29 february 2012. Beginning of a new life.
I took most of my exams in january/february, packed 60 kg of luggage and took a train straight to Vienna, it was a hell of journey, 14 hours, snow, cold, loud people on the train, my mp3 out of battery, but as I stepped off the train I felt so good as I never did before, the air was fresh, and it smelled like new life.
I thought I had time for blogging, I didn't know anyone in Vienna. I was so wrong, I made more friends in 2 weeks in Vienna than 20 years in my hometown. When you are alone and enthusiastic about life, you make friends a lot easily.
In Vienna I had no time to blog, no time to study, no time to read, I was always outside, meeting people and experiencing new things. The life that I had in 5 months is way more interesting than the other 20 years of life I had before.
I met people from all over the world, I was in the metro at 3 in the morning, I slept in my clothes (+shoes + bag), slept in front of my house door, sang songs I hated, danced disgusting music with a smile on my face, woke up with someone I couldn't remember of, spoke 6 different languages in one night, cooked what I want, lost kilos, gained happiness, fell in love, cried looking at the person I loved fading away as the train left to the airport, opened my fridge in order to study inside of it when the weather was 40°. I did so many things I can't remember of. Some where shameful, some were epic, and after all I had the time of my life.
When we come back from erasmus, we become foreigners in our own countries. So many people forgot us, so many people hate us because we changed, and some are happy to see us again. But we look ourselves in mirros and cannot recognise our face in that environment. We miss our friends, we miss the life we got used to. We go back to our university, which looks like shit to us, we hang out in our hometowns, which look so empty. Some people can actually deal with it, and come back to the life they had before. But I have never met any. Most of us start searching new ways to leave the homecountry again, Erasmus placement, Leonardo, we travel all around Europe to meet our friends again, and we spend ours videocalling us via skype, or writing KMs containing all updates about our lives.
Erasmus scholarship can finish, but Erasmus spirit cannot.
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