I'm on my way. Or I'm all wrong.

Starting a new life is always unpredictable, it depends on how many sources of help you have in the new place where you go. In some places you might have relatives, friends, your partner, or “support networks” (like ESN for Erasmus Students).

Fitting in in Austria was easy, as a student it is always easier, you get to know people in the class, people in the student residence, you're in contact with people of your same age, same interests (if same studies!). I was alone for 1 day only, afterwards I started meeting people at ESN events, in my student residence, in classes, and I felt at home. Completely happy. Although my best friends were abroad, I really started a new life with new friends, new experiences and a new mentality.

I was given a lot of help, when I was an exchange student.

Now, let's consider the case of a person who's new in the city. As an experienced exchange student the first thing I would do is searching for international student help, ESN, foreign student office, language exchange meeting, student parties... No, stop here. You're not a student, what are you going to show them when they will ask for your student pass?

That is like a knife in the back.

Not a student anymore.

Time ran so fast and I didn't even realise of it.

When you finish your studies, your social status changes from student to work seeker (or unemployed, frankly said...). So yes, now I am a work seeker. Is there a network for international work seekers? Parties? Residences? None of this.

Oh please, I felt like getting 10 years older in just 2 months.

But what is it like, this work seeker life?

I'm getting some experience in it.

Wake up late, look for work advertisements, send your CV and enclose a motivation letter (be very creative in it once, and then forever copy and paste), check your email waiting for answers, get a shower and go to a work interview, answer their crazy questions and get back home when they tell you “we will let you know”.

What I often think about is how much does my nationality matter in their decision. Well, it's not really a matter of nationality, more a language matter I would say. They can understand you, but your grammar is not perfect, therefore they will always chose some native speaker. You have to really be special, in oder to be chosen before than a local. And I am a none, I am nothing special, thanks for drowning my self-esteem so down Sirs.

I see where is the problem: we automatically become work seekers, but are we really wanting to get a job? Think for yourself, but my answer is no. I do not want to work. I am asked million times a day “in which field would you like to work” and my answer is none!

I really want to live without working. But how do I survive without money? Let's get down to a compromise: I'm gonna have 2 thirds of my time for my own pleasure, and 1 third of my time will be given to work. But, if we consider that I need 8 hours of sleep, I'm equally sharing my life in 3 parts: work, sleep, enjoy. But time to get to work and come back has to be taken in account. And time to look for housing, shopping, washing up, it is all included in “enjoy”. The net time of enjoy ends up being 2 hours per day. It's not the life I want, but I think it's probably the life I'm going to get. And in all of this I shouldn't forget that once I'm dead I will not be able to come back ever again. It sounds pretty bad. How am I going to deal with it?

Here is where I say I don't know. It looks like when we get born we sign a contract with this capitalist world where we promise we'll get involved into work. It's like a catholic baptism, I was too young, I could not decide! Someone else decided for me, and if I ever meet this asshole, I promise I'll beat him/her.

I can see why we drink so much alcohol, it has become necessary to escape this world. I haven't been drinking anything since I came to Germany, and this full immersion in the stark reality is giving me the creeps.

Unfortunatelly, I am not special, so I still cannot figure out a way to move on happily without working. I guess I will have to keep the compromise, working but enjoying every single moment when I'm not at work. Perhaps.

This is how it feels sometimes, the beginning of a new life: lost, alone, drowning in bureaucracy, missing your partner and friends (always inviting them for cheap holidays at your place), and a little hopeless I would say. But with the convinction of never giving up/going back home.

I have come here to enjoy a new place, and make new experiences, get to know new people and all I hear/talk about is money.

I hope we could all disintoxicate ourselves from money-mentality, because when we do, we might probably find out what is it that is so important for us in life.

14^th day in Germany. 0 friends, some people say hi, 2 job offers, 20 jobs denied, some more German vocaboulary acquainted, 0 parties, 1 monument seen, so much snow, so much money gone away for bills and rent.

Here are the downs, I am waiting for the ups.

And I'm sure they will come, after so much struggle.